Not My Favorite Holiday...

I'm not a mother. Not really. Yet I do call my dogs my "children", "kids", "babies", etc. I refer to myself/am referred to by my husband and others as "Mommy" or "Momma", or "Mom" all the time... But only when we're talking about or talking to the dogs. Am I less of a woman because I haven't given birth? It certainly feels that way sometimes... Ok... So really all the time for me...

I'd like to make a case. I do so many of the things "real" moms do. I think I should get to celebrate today too...

I love my babies.
I feed my babies.
I shelter my babies.
I buy my babies treats and toys.
I play with my babies.
I cuddle with my babies.
I like to show off my babies.
I love to talk about my babies.
I worry about my babies.
I take my babies to the doctor.
I clean up after my babies.
I miss my babies when I'm away from them.
I love my babies unconditionally.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love my mother. And my mother-in-law. I'm all for honoring and celebrating them today. But as great as that is... Today is still horribly painful for me.

I came across this article today (thanks yet again to StumbleUpon... But I think you're getting to know me a little too well...)

"I am not a mother, and my personal response is to chuckle and move on with my life, but for so many thousands of women, there is a stabbing in the heart... These are women who yearned to have a child, and perhaps are still trying, and have been unable to make it happen."

"Miriam told me that she had always felt like a flawed woman, who never fit in with others who were mothers. She truly experienced a sense of loss with not being a mom that she was unable to fill with other elements of her life."

"There are so many other women who will avoid going to church tomorrow, because they cannot bear the pain of hearing yet another Mother’s Day message. They won’t go out to the stores this weekend, because they don’t want to see the flower, chocolate, and card displays. They will wake up on Monday morning feeling relieved that it’s over for another year."

"Mothering is portrayed in the most positive light on this day, and we have images of children preparing breakfast trays for their moms and making handmade card and presents. When we go out, we see the special women surrounded by their families being lavished with attention. Witnessing and imagining these warm, loving mother/child interactions sometimes causes me to feel tinges of grief for the children I never had."

Yes, yes, yes! That is exactly how I feel today! As much as I love my own mother, my friends that are mothers, and mothers in general, today is painful for me. It can't be avoided or smiled away. I can't pretend like it doesn't bother me. Because it really, really does. I'm not a mother. Not really. But I'd give anything to be one. I loved one of the things the article said in closing...

"I think it helps to keep in mind the most basic definition of mothering, as an action that is nurturing, supportive, and comforting. Think of all the women in your life who have provided these elements for you, and thank them on this day for mothers. Honor yourself as well, whether or not you are a mom, for what you have given and continue to give to others in your life."

Today will still be painful. Today is still going to suck quite a bit. But I take some comfort in knowing that there are at least 7 little lives (Sorry Dagget and Selene for not including you earlier. ;) ) that depend on me. Seven little creatures that love me on my good days. And maybe love me even more on my bad days.