Why I Really Do Hate Facebook Sometimes...

I hate it because idiots can post bull like this:

A Proclamation to the Dating World

The whole problem started in the beginning, with our first parents, Adam and Eve. Eve wanted what she could not have: the forbidden fruit. I propose that girls are still being beguiled by that same serpent that was in the beginning. Bishop G. S. Nelson once said “Girls think that nice guys are boring and safe.” He acquired this insight during his numerous interviews with girls that attended the BYU ward in which he served as bishop.

The Nice Guy. The guy who is nice, genuine, sincere, and kind. Some girls ask if this guy exists. I am here to tell you that he does. He is that guy that you turned down last week when he asked you out. Yes, that is right. Last week’s rejection fits that description, but why did you reject him? Nice guys are no mystery. They go out of their way to do nice things, compliment girls, and are therefore boring. That’s why nice guys finish last.

Girls. I would like you to stop and think for a second of a nice guy in your life that is always there for you but for some reason you cannot see him as a future companion. Then I want you to think of the way you talk to your friends about this person. Would you not say something to the effect of, “We are just friends; we could never be more than that”? The nice guy is the person you talk to when the mean guy rejects you. When you are not asked out on a date he is the person you call so that you are not alone. He is always there for you because he actually cares about you.

The “Friend Zone.” The nice guy enters into the “friend zone,” which is a zone that is impossibly hard to get out of. Once the nice guy tries to get out of the “friend zone” he becomes awkward and the relationship is never the same. But whose fault is it really? Some would say, “I do not find him attractive”, but I do not believe that to be true. It is not necessarily his appearance that makes him unattractive, it is the fact that he doesn’t play “the game”: there is no chase. Girls, it is just as shallow for you to go for the mysterious, funny, impossible guy, as it is for a guy to just go after looks. You are not unattracted to the nice guy, he just isn’t the mystery man you have imagined yourself dating. We all know the nice guy would treat you better than anyone else, but you still reject him.

The Next Best Thing. Girls fear that they can do better than what they already have, that they can get someone that is just a little better. They let this fear dictate what they do and who they date. Once girls have something, they need the next best thing. They are never satisfied. They think they need something new, something that is just out of reach. This fear that girls have causes them to go for the untouchable, the mean guy that does not want anything to do with them. When a girl pursues that kind of guy and gets rejected she says, “Why can’t I just date a nice guy?” She quickly forgets that just recently she rejected the nice guy who really did care about her. I believe that girls have an inherent quality that makes them honestly believe that if they can already get the guy, then they can get a better one, and that they deserve more.

Victims. An argument that girls often use is that they are victims of guys that take advantage of their emotions, just as the nice guys feel they are victims. Girls need to take into account which kinds of guys are victimizing them. If they would just think about it, they would realize that they are chasing the mean guys. The nice ones do not ever want to upset them, but since they do not go after the nice guy, they are just asking for trouble.

Girls, almost all of your problems and issues would be resolved if you would just stop rejecting nice guys, and give them a chance.

Good Guys, This Is For You. You know you have been treated unfairly in the past, but please take the following information into account and use it the next time you think about asking a girl out. If the good guy finishes last, then that means only one thing: the mean guys finish first. This is because a girl likes a challenge, things that she cannot quite have. Girls know that nice guys are always available. When girls get lonely they know they can always rely on you being there for them. Nice guys, you appear desperate because you go out of your way to be a gentleman. Girls enjoy this game. The mean guy is mysterious… you never know what he will do next. He does not pay attention to the girls, and when he does, it is usually to make fun of them. For some reason girls love that. Everything he says is funny— not sincere or genuine, but funny. Someone has to change, and there are two options.

1. Girls: Give the nice guy a legitimate chance. Stop being beguiled and have an open mind.

2. Guys: Become the mysteriously impossible guy the girls are looking for. Play the game better than they do.

I see... So if I take *one* quote from a general authority and then add my own angst to it, that makes it legitimate. Cool! *EYE ROLL* Read through it again and switch the genders... Funny, it reads EXACTLY THE SAME... And it much more closely resembles my former dating life and the dating lives of 98% of my friends. Tonight, I am EXTREMELY thankful that I am married. There is no way in hell I could deal with guys who have attitudes like that.

Want to get more pissed off? Give this one a read...
http://singleswardhopper.com

I feel for all of my un-married friends. My awesome sister-in-law seems to constantly be finding herself in stupid situations caused by stupid boys. Yeah, yeah, I know the women aren't blameless. But let's just get one thing straight: This in *my* blog, so I get to express any favoritism I want. Nanny nanny. ;)


In other news:
Widdle Brudder is leaving us soon. I'm more sad about it then I thought I'd be. He's going to CA and will be living near family, so I know he'll be okay... But I'll miss having him around. I think. ;)

I now have an office/study/Wii Fit room upstairs. I am in love with it. So are the dogs.

I performed guinea pig surgery last night on Norbert. Went to the vet today because what I found was beyond weird (and rather graphically gross, so I'll save the whole story for another post. You're just dying with anticipation, I know). Vet put him on antibiotics for 3 weeks, but the treatment is literally exactly what I did on my own. It made me feel like a good momma.

I am dreadfully behind in my coursework this term thanks to cold that turned into flu that turned into swine flu that turned into bronchitis. Its been fun... I'm almost caught up. Kind of. ;)

Oh, Up! is one of the most awesome animated movies. Ever. Had Rob not been in the room, I would have been bawling during the whole opening sequence. You must see it.

The end.

More later when/if I catch up in class. ;)

Dream Within A Dream

For my own part, I have never had a thought which I could not set down in words with even more distinctness than that with which I conceived it. There is, however, a class of fancies of exquisite delicacy which are not thoughts, and to which as yet I have found it absolutely impossible to adapt to language. These fancies arise in the soul, alas how rarely. Only at epochs of most intense tranquility, when the bodily and mental health are in perfection. And at those mere points of time, where the confines of the waking world blend with the world of dreams. And so I captured this fancy, where all that we see, or seem, is but a dream within a dream.

Gotta love Edgar Allan Poe. Especially when its done by Alan Parsons Project. Is it weird that I've had most of Poe's major works committed to memory since I was just a little girl due to listening to this music all the time and then reading the poems themselves?

Quoth the raven, "Nevermore".

Swine Flu

Yes, I have out done myself this time. I have H1N1, also known as Swine Flu...

Oh, and even better, I infected Rob and Zach.

Please do yourself a favor and get the vaccine. NOW.

I'm going to go back to coughing and puking...

:(

Facebook Pics

My mother-in-law just posted these on Facebook. I loved them and thought they were too cute not to share.This was the very first weekend I came up to Idaho to meet Rob's family. I look like such a dork when I laugh. Who knows why I'm giggling so much, but I suspect that Rob's mom, Tammy, had just said something bad/funny. teehee

I'm too much of a geek and will probably never learn how to drive a motorcycle. Heck, I can't even manage the drums on Rock Band. Too much hand/foot coordination. ;) But Rob is a pro. This was only three days before the wedding. We borrowed the bike from his buddy and went for a ride. I won't lie, being on a motorcycle is a total blast... But I'll still take my horse anyday. ;)

Catch Up

My blogging = fail. Really.

Ok... A quick catch up.

To follow up on a previous blog post where I promised all sorts of stories that I never got to:
-Harry Potter movie: Lame, lame, lame. Should have cut it in two. Released the first half at Christmas and the second half at summer blockbuster. Everyone would have gone to both and the story line wouldn't have been so brutally smashed. I hear that this is the plan for #7. I'll wait and see. Not a lot of high hopes though.

-Oh! The weird medical treatment. Teehee. I had a migraine that lasted for FIVE weeks. A new personal record. Tried all sorts of meds, even had a multiple day/night hospital stay to try and get it under control. The hospital stay ended up being a total waste of time. An idiot nurse pushed a medication the wrong way (which I CALLED her on while she was doing it, and she ignored me) and burned out a vein in my left arm. And yes, you can STILL see the damage that was done in JULY. The neurologist I was working with was a total idiot too. I broke my own personal rule by even going to a neuro. I hate them and nothing good has ever come of a visit with a neruo. There is a very simple treatment that my amazing doctor in Provo discovered to treat me when my migraines get like this. Shoot me up with some meds and send me home to sleep for 18-24 hours. An easy fix. A 'system reboot' if you will. During my four years in Provo, we had to do this treatment a lot. And it worked EVERY TIME. Mr. Smarty Pants neuro refused to do the treatment. This angered me. After 3 or 4 days in the hospital with no progress he finally agreed to do it... IF I agreed to be admitted to the ICU. Um, HELL NO. We asked for discharge papers shortly after. I went to my pain management doc (who I really should have had working on this in the first place, but I was trying to be a 'good' patient and go see the neuro first. Remind me not to do that again.) Rob went with me to the appointment and can vouch for this... I told this wonderful doctor what I wanted done (the old treatment from Provo) and what the neuro had said about my needed to be in the ICU for it. I am not kidding he literally started laughing and said (and I quote), "Shit! That's it? I would have done that weeks ago!" Can you see why I love this doc so much? teehee So the next morning we hoofed it down to Blackfoot to his main office, he shot me up with the meds and we waited. Nothing. Great. The migraine had been going on for so long that the treatment just would not work. Not to fear, my doctor of wonderfulness had a back-up plan! This is all VERY true, and I'll even show you the pics to back it up. So you know those reallllllly long medical q-tips? The ones that are a good 8 inches long? Ok, good. Now imagine your doctor laying you down on an exam table and sticking two of those beasts down your nose until only about an inch and half, maybe two inches of the Q-Tips of Doom are still visible. Oh... Did I fail to mention what he had dipped the torture devices in before ramming them up my nose? Cocaine. Cross my heart, gospel truth. Cocaine. The idea was to get the medicine all the way back to the very end of my nasal cavity so it could cross the blood/brain barrier as quickly as possible. So here I lay, scared to death. Doc dips these things in the little bottle, sticks 'em all the way up/down muh nose and LEAVES them for 10-15 min. Fun huh? Oh, and then repeated it 5 or 6 times. I begged to stop after 3 rounds I think. "But there's more left in the bottle..." It hurt too much to laugh with the Q-Tips of Doom in my nose, so I just smirked and told him to go ahead. On a good note, the migraine did finally go away. It's come back, but that's normal. It has yet to ramp up to the level of pain it was for those 5 weeks, thank goodness. But that doesn't stop my dear doctor from asking how my migraine is every time I see him. The weirdo wants to do it again. lol Being a guinea pig is fun. So yes, I now officially count that as the weirdest medical treatment I've ever had. Cocaine up my nose. teehee

-Rob and had our two year anniversary in July. Yay for us! He continues to be patient with me, is supportive even when I'm a mess, and cleans 95% of the time. The man in a saint.

-My birthday/anniversary present to Rob/Us was getting Selene. That's right folks, another furry kid has joined the zoo. She is the cutest little ferret you've ever seen. Hera is her best buddy. She hates to be in her cage and the neighborhood kids love her.

-Ah, we've reached the academic masochism part. I went back to school. Again. Yes, I've done this a few times now. Our circumstances kept changing and I was forced to abandon some of the other programs I've been enrolled in. When I went to register for fall classes for my Marketing program and I got nothing but bull crap back from administration about my medically supported disability, I decided to but my loses and move on. I've now started my master's program and am almost done with my first term. It's been a lot of fun. I'm behind right now due to a nasty flu bug and my old lappy finally crashing on me (RIP Lore), but its still a total blast.

-As for the last section of that promised post... That's a whole other story deserving its own post. In summary at the beginning of the year, lovely Stumble directed me to a little on-line pixel pony game. Go ahead and laugh. I love it and have no shame. I'm now a moderator for the game and the IRC chat (online chat room). It's a total blast and I adore all of my dear PS buddies.

So there's that, caught up. Woot.

Zach, Lobo and I took a trip down to Cedar recently. We were supposed to be there for a week but ended up being there for two. It was a good visit (mostly), but I was anxious to be home by the end.

I have a whole mound of funny, cute, and generally entertaining pictures and video from the trip that need to be posted. I'll get to that. Some day. ;)

For now, enjoy the pics below of the medical experiment mentioned earlier. Luffs to everyone!
-R

I Just Shouldn't Have Bothered To Come Home

He never changes.

He never will.

Shrek will always be a Shrek. When the fraking hell am I going to figure this out and stop trying? Stop caring? Now would be great. Can someone arrange that?

I wish Rob was here. I miss him terribly. :(


My thought for today. Cheery and joyful, no? I'll be going now. Lobo and I are getting the hell out of here for a few hours. I'll write more later.
The end.

ps... Thank you to Battlestar Galactica for adding 'frak' (and all its wonderful variations) to my vocabulary. Also, I miss you.

I Can't Help Myself

Yes, I'm posting about my play list. Again.

Idaho Falls is sadly behind the times when it comes to music. I'm buddies with one of the local DJs (in keeping with my long history with having a thing for DJs, lol) and have just been introduced to a 'new' song. 'Beggin' by Madcon.

Ok, so it's not new. But its new to me. And I'm in LOVE.

So listen to it and enjoy my newest obsession.

I now feel the need to go take samba lessons or something. That should go well. lol

You CAN look forward to posts on:
-my opinion/review of the new Harry Potter movie
-the weirdest medical treatment I've ever endured. Complete with pictures!
-R&R Two Year Anniversary!
-Meeting the newest Nielsen, Selene!
-academic masochism
-IRC, PS, BBP, and other things that will make no sense to anyone but my most awesome buddies

But as the Lost Skeleton of Cadavra says... "I sleep now."
If you have no idea what/who I'm talking about, redeem yourself by doing a search on your netflix and adding that movie to your queue. ;)

Maybe I Should Blog And Not Just Listen To My Playlist

But really, it is a rather awesome mix... So can you blame me for getting distracted? ;)

I'm not dead.

I'm not dying.

I really and truly shall get some catch-up blogs on here.

Feel free to take cool points away from me if you must since I took so dang long.

-rachie

For Wilbur

Hi Boy,
I’m sorry I wasn’t there.

I’m sorry I’m not there to take care of your girls for you right now.

I hope that you’ve found Zeke. Stick with him, he’ll take good care of you. Do me a favor and go run Wilda around a little too. Don’t let her give you a hard time about it. ;)

Wilbur, please don’t leave these girls all alone. They still need you. Promise you will look in on them?

My heart aches for you my good, sweet boy.

Mom is devastated, you need to take care of her too, she may miss you most of all.

Wilbur, I love you. And I won’t be able to say it enough times over.

Please come find me when I’m lost, or sad, or scared. I’ll be looking for you.

You’re a good boy Wilbur. One of the best. I’m not going to forget you. I’ll be waiting to see you again someday.

I know all dogs go to heaven.

I love you over and over a thousand times my precious Wilbur. Miss you ‘till we meet again.

-Your Rachel


Sir Wilbur Wubber of the Wiggles - Passed away Tuesday May 19, 10:57am

This is the same poem/song that I left with Zeke, Wubber. Now it is for you.

With You In Your Dreams

If I'm gone when you wake up
Please don't cry
And if I'm gone when you wake up
It's not goodbye
Don't look back at this time as a time
Of heartbreak and distress
Remember me, remember me
'Cause I'll be with you in your dreams
I'll be with you

But If I'm gone when you wake up
Please don't cry
And if I'm gone when you wake up
Don't ask why
Don't look back at this time
As a time of heartbreak and distress
Remember me, remember me
'Cause I'll be with you in your dreams

Don't cry, I'm with you
Don't cry, I'm by your side
Don't cry, I'm with you
Don't cry, I'm by your side

And though my flesh is gone,
I'll still be with you at all times
And although my body's gone,
I'll be there to comfort you at all times

But If I'm gone when you wake up
Please don't cry
And if I'm gone when you wake up
Don't ask why
Don't look back at this time
As a time of heartbreak and distress
Remember me, remember me
'Cause I'll be with you
I'll be with you in your dreams

I'll be with you
I'll be with you in your dreams
I'll be with you
I'll be with you

I don't want you to cry and weep,
I want you to go on living your life
I'm not sleeping an endless sleep,
'Cause in your heart
You have all of our good times

And if I'm gone when you wake up
Don't ask why
Don't look back at this time
As a time of heartbreak and distress
Remember me, remember me
'Cause I'll be with you in your dreams

I'll be with you in your dreams
I'll be with you
I'll be with you
I'll be with you in your dreams
I'll be with you in your dreams...

Meet Max! Struggles, and Finally Reaching Out

Oh look, its been yet another month since I last blogged. Oops. Sorry kiddies. Ok, so we're back, let's get up to speed.

To follow up on my last 'news' blog:
-Trip to SLC: We went down to SLC to pick up the newest addition to the Nielsen pack- Max. My friend Tommy, who lives in LA, had an unfortunate situation, and the dog needed a home immediately. He called me, I talked to Rob... And in the end Max (and all his crap), were driven from LA to Cedar then from Cedar to SLC and we went down to pick him up. He is the most hilarious little thing ever. He's a chihuahua mixed with a corgi- the kind of dogs that the queen of England has. Meaning:

This:

Plus this:

Equals Max!

He's having to learn lots of rules. (Which I'm sure he didn't have with his last master, lol) But he has fit into the pack quite nicely. He's reached the point now where he's trying to question Lobo's authority as Alpha to get himself a better place in the pecking order, so there have been a few throw downs, lol. Which Lobo of course wins in about two seconds flat. ;) All in all Max is a great little guy who has rounded out my little pack of misfits really well. (And if you're counting, yes, this does bring me to 5 dogs... teehee)

-Medical News: Bleh. I hate when people ask me how I'm doing. Here's your answer:
I have a constellation of long-term, non-curable, medical conditions. I'm never going to be good. Mmm k? And don't tell me to just be happy and push through it, cause guess what, I don't have to. I can have my bad days and I refuse to feel guilty about it any more. So there. ;)

I've two more ketamine infusions since my last post. Neither one resulted in dramatic pain relief, I got a couple days with some relief, but thats it. And because of some other medical decisions I've made, I probably won't be able to do anymore infusions for a while.... Everything is kind of up in the air right now.

I had a lovely bout of flu for a while that was great fun.

My biggest concern right now is swelling in my feet. We're talking SERIOUS swelling. If you don't like feet, look away:

It doesn't take a Doogie Howser to figure out that this foot looks very, very wrong. My left is just as bad.
I went into see my primary care yesterday about it. Its just so painful, and it's worrisome, it could be systematic of heart stuff. This kind of swelling is a serious problem and requires aggressive action. I've always liked this doc... But when he saw one of the medications I recently went on, his true attitude about some of my conditions showed itself. Unfortunately, many doctors think that things like fibromyalgia are just crap and patients who claim to have it are just head cases, despite it being recognized in the late 80's or early 90's as a real disease, and very widespread in the population. I've had to become very sensitive to doctors and their attitudes about fibro. The ones that are idiots about it I won't go back to. My primary care turned out to be one of these idiots. And his treatment plan for my extreme swelling was TED hose and diuretics, a lame and lazy way to go about things. I was so angry and annoyed by the end of the consultation... The dude was a total ass. Honestly.

Why was I so pissed at him?
This is something I've avoided blogging about, for fear of people's reactions... But really, I just don't care anymore, and I need the support of friends that won't be judemental. It's something going on in my life thats important, and people keep asking about it anyways, so I might as well bite the bullet and spill.

Dr. Jerk Face was lecturing me because one of the medications I've gone on this month is clomid. Some of you may recognize the name, some may not. Clomid is the first line of treatment to try induce regular ovulation and treat infertility.

Honestly, is it really any surprise? Everything else is wrong with me, why would I be able to have children without a fight? I've got a long and painful history of severe endometriosis as well as retrograde menstruation. When I first got back from my "MTC Adventure" I had two abdominal surgeries within a month of each other. They found endometriosis as high as my liver (that would be very not good, lol). I had cups and cups of blood in my abdomen that they took out each time because of the retrograde. Yeah, not great news. I even had an IUD in (something that is very rare when you have not had any children) for a couple years to try and hold things off.

Last April I had my IUD taken out. I was cycling regularly anyway, so there wasn't much point to it anymore... And, we had finally decided to give the pregnancy thing a try. But still by the fall, nothing. I had another abdominal surgery done, everything checked out... So no explanations as to the lack of babies.

What you have to understand is that I have never wanted anything more in my life than to be a mother. When all my friends were dreaming of weddings and perfect dresses as little girls, I was envisioning ballet recitals, baseball games, and Primary Programs. It seems like some massively cruel cosmic joke that not only do I have to deal with one medical disaster after another over and over again, but that my own body is failing me in accomplishing the one thing I've always wanted.

I am a member of the LDS church. I believe in spiritual promptings and guidance. I cannot deny the power of the promptings I have had for the last year. They are only getting stronger and stronger, while my fight to be a mother seems to get harder and harder.

These past few months Rob and I have butted heads over the issue over and over and over. It felt like he kept going back and forth between yeah, its time, and no its not. Obviously there are a million other things to consider when the issue of children comes up. Money, jobs, my health, etc. I know that some people think I'm nuts for pursuing this because of my health issues. But I've prayed. So many, many times. I get the same answer over and over and over. "You'll be fine. I will provide a way. This is what I want you to do. You must move forward." I am not afraid. I should be terrified. Even now, just typing it I feel comforted. I know I'm doing the right thing. And after we had another very long talk, I think Rob finally understands too. He said his issues were money and jobs, which, I knew was not really the case. He thought I wouldn't be able to do it. I had to sit him down and tell him about my prayers, the answers I get, my gut feeling. We're both on the same page now and are moving forward.

And of course, there have been obstacles already. After a couple tries for one year and is unsuccessful in getting pregnant, you get slapped with the label 'infertile'. Great, something else to add to my list. *eye roll* So we started with labs. They didn't turn out well. With our combined problems, we're in a pretty bad spot. My hormone levels were tested on the day of the month when they should be the highest, to determine if I'm even producing eggs. Normal is 8 and up. I scored 4.... The OB thinks that I haven't been producing eggs at all... Hence the clomid.

The problem I had with my primary care was that he started questioning my ability to be pregnant and to then be a mother afterwards, because of the health problems! SOOO not his place. Way over the line. I have been responsible. Worked with my OB every step of the way. I've cut all my medications down to half of the dose I was taking before because they are all risky for pregnancy, but unfortunately, I can't go off of them. I understand that it is a doctors place to counsel a patient on medical issues. But this was personal. And he's not the doctor handling that aspect of my care, so in my opinion, he needed to back the hell off and keep to his own practice. I won't be going to back to him anyway.

So... For my friends and family that keep asking, "When are you guys going to have kids?"... I have been dodging your question because its been a year already with nothing... And I'm going to have so many more obstacles to overcome, even now, that its painful to talk about. If the clomid doesn't work, there are some more options. But I could never do something like invitro. With my spine fusion where it is, I could never risk high level multiples that are common with invitro. Anything more than twins would be a major problem. The doctors would want me to reduce, I'd have to tell them to go stick their thumbs up their butts, and things would just be bad all around. Not to mention that because insurance doesn't cover it, I'll never be able to afford it.

There is one life line I am hanging on to. There have been recent studies done. Good, reliable, real studies, from multiple sources, that women under 30, who have severe fibro with other contributing factors (me exactly), that for some reason, when they have their first child, during pregnancy, the fibro all but goes into remission, with some people reporting symptoms reduced by 70%. And for many it stays that way after the baby is born. Pregnancy works like this in MS and Lupus too. Fibro acts just like an auto-immune disease, although it does not have auto-immune components, and does not respond to the same medications, it does the same kind of things to a person's body. I told this to my primary care and he completely tossed it out the window, treated me like an idiot for even considering pregnancy right now.

If I wait until I'm perfectly healthy, we're completely stable money and job wise, and whatever else... I'll die childless. It's my time now... So, I'm going for it. Rob is with me, although I'm sure he still has his doubts. I do too... But fear and faith cannot share the same place, so I'm trying to be brave, and remember what I feel like I'm being told to do when I get frightened of all this.

So... pretty please don't ask me when I'm going to have kids. Cause honestly I have no idea. We're both open to adoption, and have actually done all our research in that area should this little plan fail. You're more than welcome to ask how the process is going, that I can deal with. I just don't like to feel as if I'm disappointing people. I lose it every time another friend announces they are pregnant. It's not that I'm not happy for them... Of course I am. But its a reminder that I may not get that experience, and right now... its just hard. ;)

Am I going to show up pregnant anytime soon? It's highly doubtful. My lab-work was so bad, it's going to take months of medications just to get that back to where it's supposed to be, let alone actually conceiving... And, there's still no guarantee that will ever happen. So... for now, I'm really just doing everything I can to prep, and I think that's where I'm supposed to be at this point.

Wow. Blog of longness. I guess I just needed to get all this out. Like its some skeleton in my closet. I don't see why a girl with chronic illness can't yearn to be a mother too. It's going to be harder for me... But that only means I'll be fighting for it more fiercely.